Welcome to Holland

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland





I first read this by Emily Perl Kingsley while I was in education at the U of R. I remember thinking ok, I get it. And then years later, Mackenzie came along and I recalled Holland again. That was when I really started to understand. Now, since Samuel and craniosynostosis have come into our lives - a fabulous person reminded me of it once again. I've been very fortunate to have many beautiful, caring, and supportive people come into my life - especially recently - complete strangers that come swooping in, like angels, sweeping me under their wing.
I guess it is true that people come into your life for a reason. On December 6th, I had just that happen. I met a woman, who wanted to book some time with me to discuss Arbonne. I told her that I would love to get together, but this week in particular would not work as my son had a special dr. appointment (I didn't say for what). Then, for what I am absolutely sure was God's own hand guiding her, she told me about a little girl who had a surgery to repair her misshapen head. She told me that when everything seems hopeless, to keep my faith. I hugged this stranger. I know that she was sent to help me. I had not told her about Sam, or anything about myself for that matter . All she knew was that I liked Arbonne. Since then, she has touched my life in other ways. She told me the day she met me she said to her husband, "I was meant to meet that girl today - there is big things in store for her." She told me that I give off very strong, positive energy. I'm not sure how I feel about what she said to me, but it does make me happy that someone can feel life coming from within me. Lately I feel like a zombie, walking from room to room, yelling at kids, and cleaning up messes.

I made another discovery the other night through my own paranoia. I decided to feel Kenz's and Kattie's noggins to see the difference. I haven't felt, I mean really felt their heads since they were babies. I wash their hair and put ponies in of course, but it's not the same thing. So I gave them a good and thorough check. Kenzie has a perfect head. It's round and has no bumps. Phew! My sweet Katarina, to my surprise has a very prominent ridge from just below her hairline to about the middle of her head. She has a metopic ridge. I told Mike right away, and even more to my surprise - he had already done the same thing and discovered it as well. I guess that we will be taking her to get checked sometime. What is the likelihood that we would have two kids with cranio?! I don't think she has a funny shaped head, but she definitely has the ridge. Maybe it will turn out to be nothing. I hope so. She also has a physical symptom that goes along with Trigon, but it may just be coincidence. Either way, she is four years old and is doing well (I think) - so if it does turn out that way, I am sure it is very mild.

Another new friend, a cranio mommy posted this as well and I thought I'd share it here too.

YOU HAVE SUPERPOWERS. So maybe you're not Spiderman (though wouldn't those webs come in handy sometimes?) You still have senses and abilities far more developed than those of the average parent. Your senses tingle when something is wrong with your child, long before anybody else notices a difference. With your X-ray vision, you see through inaccurate diagnoses and inadequate treatments; with your superior strength, you blast through red tape and past ineffectual bureaucrats to get your child what he or she needs; with your lightning speed, you swoop in to keep your child out of trouble. Like many a superhero, you can't always explain to mere mortals how you know what you know. But as Peter Parker himself learned, with great power comes great responsibility.

I liked it, I think that many mothers have that instinct for their children's needs and well being. I'm so lucky to have so many fantastic mommy friends that fit this Superhero description. Cheers to all of you!