This Blog is for Me

I had a friend call me last night. Normally, she is one of my most favorite people to talk to. Last night, I had to remember what my mom taught me very LONG ago, "if you can't say anything nice..." Anyways, the reason I am blogging about it - is not to complain about this friend (whom I really do love with all my heart) but to understand why, what she said bothered me. I know that she doesn't mean badly - in fact I am quite positive that she had good intentions. She said that a friend of a friend went through this surgery, and she is perfectly fine and the parents worried for nothing.
I bet you were expecting something much worse. That is why I was so confused myself, afterwards. I sat on the couch after the phone call, watching Heroes with my fella all the while, being secretly annoyed. I am thrilled, no actually I am THRILLED that all most likely will be "fine". What I don't understand is how anyone can say there is no need to worry.
***** Warning Graphic Material - Mommies that are post partum, friends with sensitive hearts and Grandmas please stop reading today's blog***
Quite honestly, there is no need to dwell. I have done my homework, I know what is involved and I know the end result. My friend is right. Sam will be fine. But let's be realistic too.
My unsuspecting little boy will be handed over (by his Mommy, me) to be laid on a table and have his cranial vault removed by a cranial facial surgeon. After it is removed, a plastic surgeon will work to put my baby back together they way most children are naturally made. During this 9 hour surgery, my Sam is going to lose so much blood that he will need some of mine. He will have a new cranium, new forehead, spacers, screws and all, and at the end of the day, he will lay recovering in Pediatric Intensive Care.
Over the course of the next 72 hours, my sweet little boy is going to swell beyond recognition. His face will be black and blue, his eyes swollen shut. He is going to be afraid. I will not be able to hold him or breastfeed him because he shouldn't be moved and he'll be in pain. Finally, by the fifth day his eyes should start to open. Then we will be allowed to go home. Sam will be back to himself but with a zigzag incision running from ear to ear. I guess this is the "fine" part.
There was one other part that I purposely left out. It's gory and it makes me feel sick....but at least I don't have to worry about it, because Sam will be "fine".
During the week of surgery in Calgary, my little girls will be in another province - here. I know that they will be well taken care of, but they are MY little girls. My oldest little girl will have to go to school every day when I know that she won't want to. My mom will have to deal with any troubles that I normally do. She has agendas, school lunches, buses and everything else that Mackenzie normally has to deal with. My youngest little girl doesn't sleep. She gets up many times a night - again, my mom has to get up then too. It is hard enough for my husband and I to manage them, but it is a lot to ask of my mom. Yet, I have already done just that. I have never been apart from either of them for more than two days.

I'm not crying (at the moment), I'm not depressed, and I'm not always angry. Today, a good friend of mine is planning to come over and we'll rant, rave, gossip and likely drink way too much coffee. I've giggled twice today until my gut hurt over "Helllllllooo Gorgeous!" McDonald's has Chipmunk talking Happy Meal toys right now that all 3 kids seem to really enjoy. I think later we'll make Gourmet Girl cupcakes and I'd also like to get a chiropractor appointment in, because Gigantor is killing my back. What I'm saying is, is that I am fine. Sam is fine now and will be fine later. I am going to worry and be sad and blog about it when I can. I am gaining extra grey hairs, I think I may have gone down a size, I look like I need a little botox these days and I'd like to stay drunk until this all over. But I am still a Mommy, a wife, a daughter and there are lots of people that need me too. Life goes on, no matter what.