Little new me

My littlest girl is 5 years old. Katarina had her birthday last Friday. She feels like my baby still...somehow more so than Sam. My Kattie is a doll. Like any child, yes, at times she can drive you crazy - but she has the most sweetest, most genuine heart.

I've been watching her a lot lately and noticing what I should have long ago. Now, after what I just said about her this may seem like a very self absorbed comment, but I will state the obvious anyhow. Katarina is mini me. She is exactly like me. Appearance wise obviously, but in so many other ways too. I noticed yesterday when my brother asked me a question and then made fun of me because I am a quiet talker. Since I was young, various people have remarked, smirked, or maybe just been annoyed over not being able to hear me. Not always, but on many occasion. I would try and speak up the next time, and somehow be even more awkward than I was the previous time. And now, I catch myself becoming annoyed with my little girl over the same issue. I get it now. Like me, she is not trying to be annoying or unheard - in fact, in her own head I am very certain she sounds loud enough. She may be feeling a little unsure, or maybe she is just putting a lot of thought into what she is trying to say - or just being extra cautious. Or perhaps, it is just in her nature that a soft voice is what she has. Sometimes lessons come years later, and I clearly missed the first few years of this lesson but I get it now. Instead of being annoyed or frustrated with her, I need to listen more carefully or maybe it is my problem, not hers that I can't put as much care into what she is saying as it is taking for her to say it. Something that once made me feel insecure, and even more soft spoken has now taught me that maybe it is not such a terrible attribute to have after all. And maybe there is even a little bit of charm in her sweet little way.

My daughter is one of the most generous, sincere, and gentle beings that I have ever met. Of course, she has not yet been polluted by school nor too much from the self absorbed "me generation". I need to help her to be confident in all of her soft spoken ways so that she will stay true to herself, what a tough task for any parent.

I am extra reflective today. Blogging from our sunny deck - tired as heck. Stoopid sleep. My neighbour pointed something out to me the other day. That terrorists use sleep, or lack thereof, as a tool for torture. So true...night after night, day after day being deprived of one of your most basic needs...thank goodness, the boy is napping now and all I have to do (I mean really do, the housework will still be there tomorrow) is watch my Kattie swing back and forth.